There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
