I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
