it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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