I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
