she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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