Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
