also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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