He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
