So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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