Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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