i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
