grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
