I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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