It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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