i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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