How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
