mondays should just be called national damage control day
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
