I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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