low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize