Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
