I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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