i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
