u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize