Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
