My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
