sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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