he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
