I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
