I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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