Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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