you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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