I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
