Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
