The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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