We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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