Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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