and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Alive.
So much puke
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
