just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
