it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
