So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
