I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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