shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
