a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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