I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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