The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize