Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
