is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
