What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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