Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
