Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
