drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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