I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
