Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize