I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
