For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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