all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
