Plan B is the new Plan A
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
