Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
