I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize