TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
