so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
