i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You left your phone here
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