Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
