Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
