Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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