he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize