Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
