I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize