I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
