I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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