the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
