My first STD was from a foam party
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
