Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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