so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize