Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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