..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
