How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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