My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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