Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
