you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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