Got a toothbrush?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
