after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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