Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
