To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
