I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
