I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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