Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
