We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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