Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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