C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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