After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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