Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He shit in the fireplace
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
