I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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